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The 68+ Best Humble Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

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  • Humble Jokes I’m a humble person, really! I’m actually much greater than I think I am. I'm quite a humble person but I'm not proud of that. That's what I'm proud of. A Blonde girl is going door to door trying to earn money for college. She comes to one guy's house and rings the doorbell. "Yes?" the man answers. "Hi there!" greets the blonde happily. "I'm trying to earn money for college. Do you have any jobs around the house you need done?" The guy smiles. "Sorry, sweetheart, not really. I was gonna paint th... read more Three men die and appear before Buddha... Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads. \-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though. One of the people takes a step forwa... read more Why are Short People so humble? Because they are very Down to Earth A King is thirsty During a royal party, the king finds himself parched. Rather than ask one of his many servants for a beverage, he thinks back to his more humble years, when he would fetch things for himself. The king decides he will get up and get the drink himself. As he approaches the concessions... read more Why is the solitary lion humble? It has no pride. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 The Amazing non-Antisemitic Joke About the Rich Jew This is a long joke. There were two Jew friends: one of them was rich, and he lived in the city; the other one was poor, and he lived in a village. At one point, the poor Jew happened to visit the rich Jew in the city. The rich Jew invited the poor Jew to the opera, to theaters, and to... read more A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms ... read more Once upon a time, there was a triangular lake. On each side of this lake there was a kingdom. Kingdom 1 was rich and proud. They showed off their wealth at every corner. Kingdom two was wealthy as well, but was humble about it. Kingdom 3 was in great debt, and was struggling to keep their citizens alive. One day, the kingdoms started a wa... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived. "Dear Ronald J. Kse, This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide. Thanks, your neighbors" Now, Ronald had really enjoyed last year's party, so he was delighted to b... read more A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days Maybe they need to lighten up Stay humble my friend There once was a man who that grew up humbly, on an island. As he aged, he remained in the same grass hut he built in his youth. He expanded his home through the years, but lived humbly. He only had one vice. He liked purchasing items that belonged to royalty, in particular, thrones. He purchase... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Slank you my king, slank you **Disclaimer**: *This one is from my high school days and I thought I'll share it here. Hope the translation do justice.* The king was very aware that his queen was sleeping around with most of his ministers when he was away. He decided to punish every minister who had an affair with his wife... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 I generally consider myself a modest and humble person. It's what makes me so fucking awesome. Donner Party. Here's a rare treat....an original joke At work I was talking with a client who brought up the Donner Party and asked if i knew who the were. I replied that yes, I did. They were the group snowbound in the mountains in the 1800s and turned to cannabalism. I added that they were supposedly... read more I’m very successful but I have my humble upbringing to thank For example my father was just a blue collar road worker...but he really paved the way This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A man walked into his doctor's office... ...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis. "I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor. D... read more A dumb man is seated next to the world chess champion in a flight. And the world champion asks the dumb fellow if he’d like to play a game of chess to pass the time. The dumb fellow politely denies saying he can’t compete with a world champion. The world master insists. But the guy refuses. The world master proposes to level the field by promis... read more There once was a humble florist living in a small town... He would sell his beautiful flowers to the townspeople every day. One day, some friars moved into the nearby, previously empty abbey. These friars, however, grew their own beautiful flowers to sell to pay for their expenses, and these flowers were grown in such abundance and sold so much that the fl... read more A holy man was feeling distraught one morning, so he sat alone in his church praying to God for guidance...[long] The Good Reverend had been giving into indulgence far too often lately; drinking wine, his Tuesday night Poker games, and sneaking peeks at those unmentionable places on the Interwebs. It had started innocently enough, but the priest was getting carried away and the guilt was finally getting ... read more Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. ... read more A Hindu man, a Rabbi, and Lawyer are walking together on a journey. They realize they will be needing a place to stay so they stop at a lonely farmhouse. The lawyer knocks on the door. A farmer opens the door and, seeing the three men in front of him, asks "How may I help you?" The lawyer as the nominated spokesperson says, "We three humble travelers are seeking a place to sleep. We need no food, just a bed." The farmer replies, "I only have two beds. One... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 As a humble American citizen, I opened the door for an elderly Japanese man the other day... As he entered, he smiled at me and said "Sank you!" so I punched him. He shouldn't have brought up Pearl Harbor like that. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A priest walks into a bar and asks to buy a drink “Sorry,” says the bartender, “we don’t serve your kind here.” Baffled, the priest tries to object, but before he can, the bartender walks off. So, furious, the priest just decides to leave. But as he’s walking out the door, he passes a group of wealthy-looking businessman, and, overhearing th... read more A charity worker learnt that there was a rich man who had never donated anything So this worker went to the rich man's office, and tried to convince him to give to charity. The rich man folded his arms and replied angrily. "Did you know my sister's husband passed away suddenly? And left behind 4 children for her to raise by herself?" The charity worker was surprise... read more A priest had been very loyal and humble his entire life and began earnestly speaking out loud to God. He said, "Lord, I've been good and have followed your word, and I expect nothing in return, but if you feel gracious enough, I have a request." A blinding shiny light appeared before the priest and before him stood God. "What is it I can do for you my child?" He asked terrifyingly. "God, I've ... read more What do you say to someone when they walk in on you while you’re on your gold-plated toilet? Welcome to my humble commode. I was runner-up in a 10K race benefiting by my local Catholic church. Sister Mary ended up placing first. We spoke after the race and she really complimented my running skills. Such a kind and humble lady. She said my ability was second to nun. A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible... The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul... read more My parents never taught me how to be humble or modest I'm just naturally incredible at it. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A psychiatrist arrives for a house call and is greeted by a panicked mother Who shows him to her son’s room. Her son had taken an extreme interest in First Nations culture in the past years going as far as packing his room with First Nations ornaments and trinkets and even changing his name to Spirit Eagle. However, the interesting state of his room was over shadowed by the... read more Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically. The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love. A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear. "Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi... read more A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer Are driving through the countryside one night and their car breaks down. They walk to a nearby farm and the farmer tells them it’s too late to take the car to a repair shop but that they can stay the night until morning. However, he informs them that he only has two beds and someone will have to sle... read more A priest, a bishop, and the Pope are enjoying a leisurely day of fishing... ...when the bishop stands up, rocking their dinghy a little as he stretches. "Well, I'm parched!" he announces. "Back in a verse," he adds before stepping out of the boat, casually walking across the lake to the cooler. *Amazing, he is truly blessed by the Lord to walk across water,* thinks the Pope... read more Have you heard about the humble farmer? He's a grower, not a shower. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall Humpty Dumpty should learn to be a little humble What be thou name sir knight? Lost, King Arthur rode through a humble village on his way back from a quest. He finally came across a somewhat weathly looking man in the road and thought he'd perhaps give him directions. Arthur: "Sir Knight, what be thoust name?" Man: "Cumcisor... " "Sir Cumcisor" "An... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking" "Our aircraft has reached its designated altitude, you may now unfasten your seatbelts. Our flight attendants will be serving drinks in five minutes. The expected flight duration is four hours and ten minutes, our current speed is AAAAH, OH FUCK, NONONONONO, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD!!!" The inter... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia. After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men. “A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh... read more A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us. Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, alwa... read more So I told my wife I'm buying a new car... Me: So sick of my car. I'm sellin it & buying a Honda—like Jesus Wife: Jesus didnt have a Honda🤔 M: He was just humble about it W: No he wasnt—b/c he didnt have a Honda M: Really?? Then why’d Jesus say in John 12:49, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." 😅 I think: To be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also thinking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one’s view and trying to make it objectified, and considering each and everyone... read more Ed Smith was a famous but rude ore trader in the area. ED SMITH'S SHOP. It was one of the biggest landmarks in the town. You could just look at that big metal sign and see how proud the man was of his trade. No matter how good a businessman he was, Ed's arrogant behavior was loathed by pretty much everyone. He was too proud of his riches, ... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Jamaican Sandals A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’ So t... read more God and it's Presidents God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again. Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?” Bush answers: “I believe in... read more Before John was a traveling salesmen Before John was a traveling salesman he worked door to door on foot. He actually came from an upper middle class family but had a healthy work ethic and a humble yet dull nature from aristocratic inbreeding a few generations back.. It was his birthday and his eccentric mother had told John he... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie. One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 If a girl ever tells you how small your dick is... Just remember her dick is literally zero inches long. Stay Humble, kings This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he's short on cash. He proposes that he plays the piano in exchange for some drinks. The bartender agrees and the guy walks over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender and patrons are amazed at the beautiful sounds that are produced from this old piano. He plays several songs in a row. After about 20 minutes he walks up to the bartender and asks if that was worthy of a drink... read more A traveller has dinner at a monastery. A traveller was walking through the mountains when he came across a great monastery, he was far from a town and so knocked on it's doors seeking shelter. A monk came out and greeted him and the traveller asked for a place to stay for the night. "Certainly" replied the monk "But first, ... read more Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ... The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment. The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's. The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str... read more 'One day, in ancient Egypt, Bastet went to her temple for a meal, but found that her priests were late.' 'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself. '"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Jesus arrives at the last supper... ...he walks in and sees a mad party - alcohol, hookers, tables bending under the weight of the food and music thumping. He asks Peter: "what the fuck, Pete?! This was supposed to be a humble going-away dinner; where did you get the cash for all this?!" Peter replies: "I don't know; Judas sold someth... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 The Genie One day a man is walking on Malibu beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it, and a genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish. Anything in the world is yours!" The man sits at the spot he found the genie and thought. And thought. And thought. He told the genie "I don't want anyt... read more The king Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha... read more The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Once upon a time, there was a wasp. Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Tech support call. Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work." Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?" Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all." Tech Support: "Did it not in... read more A local monastery decides to test the competence of its nuns. In an attempt to determine if the nuns at the local monastery are qualified to perform their sisterly duties, the monastery decides to hand out exams. The majority of the sisters score well but one in particular, sister Encarnacion does outstandingly well. In an attempt to preserve v... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Once upon a time... ...there lived a great ruler in India, Emperor Akbar. This great emperor had the most beautiful wife in all the realms. At the palace, there lived a certain Ahmed who was a low-ranking official. He took a liking to the queen, and his greatest desire was to kiss the queen's gorgeous breasts.... read more Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog He sat and sighed beside the road - His engine's gasket blown. His car was old and cold and towed. The man was left alone. - 'I need to find a place to stay Until it's fixed,' he spoke - But as he rose to walk away Arrived a band of folk. ... read more A North Korean farmer is finally rewarded after fifty years of hard labour for the State A party official visits the farmer in his simple living quarters and proclaims "Comrade, for your hard work and absolute dedication to the great leader and the Democratic People's Republic, we would like to reward you with a car" The humble farmer nods silently to show his appreciatio... read more An old couple won the lottery... An old man and his wife; simple, salt of the earth folk, who never lived beyond their means, won the lottery. Not wanting to lose their way with this sudden windfall, they decided to keep humble. But as time went on, the husband wanted to treat his wife to expensive things - the thin... read more I never brag You could say I'm the most humble person in the world. Walt Disney Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl... read more A quick math question Alright, so here's quick math question for ya: So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting... read more There was this musician in North Korea.... One day he was called upon by Kim Jong Un to compose a piece of music and have the Great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the Humble Auditorium. The musician, not wanting to displease the Great Leader, did as he asked and got to work composing a piece of music. One week later, on... read more Related Searches humble brag Related Categories modestlowmeeklowlyhumiliatemenialinferiordegradedemeanhumilitychagrinsmallbasehumiliatedcrushedhumbledmildunskilledbrokenunassuminglovingcheerfulproudgraciouscharminghonestquietpolitehardworkingrespectfulcompassionategentlenobleeffacechangealterdisgracesmashcrushwoundspiteoffendmodifyinjurehurtbruiseabjectnethergentlemandecent Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.


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  • Humble Jokes I’m a humble person, really! I’m actually much greater than I think I am. I'm quite a humble person but I'm not proud of that. That's what I'm proud of. A Blonde girl is going door to door trying to earn money for college. She comes to one guy's house and rings the doorbell. "Yes?" the man answers. "Hi there!" greets the blonde happily. "I'm trying to earn money for college. Do you have any jobs around the house you need done?" The guy smiles. "Sorry, sweetheart, not really. I was gonna paint th... read more Three men die and appear before Buddha... Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads. \-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though. One of the people takes a step forwa... read more Why are Short People so humble? Because they are very Down to Earth A King is thirsty During a royal party, the king finds himself parched. Rather than ask one of his many servants for a beverage, he thinks back to his more humble years, when he would fetch things for himself. The king decides he will get up and get the drink himself. As he approaches the concessions... read more Why is the solitary lion humble? It has no pride. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 The Amazing non-Antisemitic Joke About the Rich Jew This is a long joke. There were two Jew friends: one of them was rich, and he lived in the city; the other one was poor, and he lived in a village. At one point, the poor Jew happened to visit the rich Jew in the city. The rich Jew invited the poor Jew to the opera, to theaters, and to... read more A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms ... read more Once upon a time, there was a triangular lake. On each side of this lake there was a kingdom. Kingdom 1 was rich and proud. They showed off their wealth at every corner. Kingdom two was wealthy as well, but was humble about it. Kingdom 3 was in great debt, and was struggling to keep their citizens alive. One day, the kingdoms started a wa... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived. "Dear Ronald J. Kse, This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide. Thanks, your neighbors" Now, Ronald had really enjoyed last year's party, so he was delighted to b... read more A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days Maybe they need to lighten up Stay humble my friend There once was a man who that grew up humbly, on an island. As he aged, he remained in the same grass hut he built in his youth. He expanded his home through the years, but lived humbly. He only had one vice. He liked purchasing items that belonged to royalty, in particular, thrones. He purchase... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Slank you my king, slank you **Disclaimer**: *This one is from my high school days and I thought I'll share it here. Hope the translation do justice.* The king was very aware that his queen was sleeping around with most of his ministers when he was away. He decided to punish every minister who had an affair with his wife... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 I generally consider myself a modest and humble person. It's what makes me so fucking awesome. Donner Party. Here's a rare treat....an original joke At work I was talking with a client who brought up the Donner Party and asked if i knew who the were. I replied that yes, I did. They were the group snowbound in the mountains in the 1800s and turned to cannabalism. I added that they were supposedly... read more I’m very successful but I have my humble upbringing to thank For example my father was just a blue collar road worker...but he really paved the way This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A man walked into his doctor's office... ...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis. "I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor. D... read more A dumb man is seated next to the world chess champion in a flight. And the world champion asks the dumb fellow if he’d like to play a game of chess to pass the time. The dumb fellow politely denies saying he can’t compete with a world champion. The world master insists. But the guy refuses. The world master proposes to level the field by promis... read more There once was a humble florist living in a small town... He would sell his beautiful flowers to the townspeople every day. One day, some friars moved into the nearby, previously empty abbey. These friars, however, grew their own beautiful flowers to sell to pay for their expenses, and these flowers were grown in such abundance and sold so much that the fl... read more A holy man was feeling distraught one morning, so he sat alone in his church praying to God for guidance...[long] The Good Reverend had been giving into indulgence far too often lately; drinking wine, his Tuesday night Poker games, and sneaking peeks at those unmentionable places on the Interwebs. It had started innocently enough, but the priest was getting carried away and the guilt was finally getting ... read more Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. ... read more A Hindu man, a Rabbi, and Lawyer are walking together on a journey. They realize they will be needing a place to stay so they stop at a lonely farmhouse. The lawyer knocks on the door. A farmer opens the door and, seeing the three men in front of him, asks "How may I help you?" The lawyer as the nominated spokesperson says, "We three humble travelers are seeking a place to sleep. We need no food, just a bed." The farmer replies, "I only have two beds. One... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 As a humble American citizen, I opened the door for an elderly Japanese man the other day... As he entered, he smiled at me and said "Sank you!" so I punched him. He shouldn't have brought up Pearl Harbor like that. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A priest walks into a bar and asks to buy a drink “Sorry,” says the bartender, “we don’t serve your kind here.” Baffled, the priest tries to object, but before he can, the bartender walks off. So, furious, the priest just decides to leave. But as he’s walking out the door, he passes a group of wealthy-looking businessman, and, overhearing th... read more A charity worker learnt that there was a rich man who had never donated anything So this worker went to the rich man's office, and tried to convince him to give to charity. The rich man folded his arms and replied angrily. "Did you know my sister's husband passed away suddenly? And left behind 4 children for her to raise by herself?" The charity worker was surprise... read more A priest had been very loyal and humble his entire life and began earnestly speaking out loud to God. He said, "Lord, I've been good and have followed your word, and I expect nothing in return, but if you feel gracious enough, I have a request." A blinding shiny light appeared before the priest and before him stood God. "What is it I can do for you my child?" He asked terrifyingly. "God, I've ... read more What do you say to someone when they walk in on you while you’re on your gold-plated toilet? Welcome to my humble commode. I was runner-up in a 10K race benefiting by my local Catholic church. Sister Mary ended up placing first. We spoke after the race and she really complimented my running skills. Such a kind and humble lady. She said my ability was second to nun. A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible... The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul... read more My parents never taught me how to be humble or modest I'm just naturally incredible at it. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A psychiatrist arrives for a house call and is greeted by a panicked mother Who shows him to her son’s room. Her son had taken an extreme interest in First Nations culture in the past years going as far as packing his room with First Nations ornaments and trinkets and even changing his name to Spirit Eagle. However, the interesting state of his room was over shadowed by the... read more Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically. The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love. A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear. "Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi... read more A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer Are driving through the countryside one night and their car breaks down. They walk to a nearby farm and the farmer tells them it’s too late to take the car to a repair shop but that they can stay the night until morning. However, he informs them that he only has two beds and someone will have to sle... read more A priest, a bishop, and the Pope are enjoying a leisurely day of fishing... ...when the bishop stands up, rocking their dinghy a little as he stretches. "Well, I'm parched!" he announces. "Back in a verse," he adds before stepping out of the boat, casually walking across the lake to the cooler. *Amazing, he is truly blessed by the Lord to walk across water,* thinks the Pope... read more Have you heard about the humble farmer? He's a grower, not a shower. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall Humpty Dumpty should learn to be a little humble What be thou name sir knight? Lost, King Arthur rode through a humble village on his way back from a quest. He finally came across a somewhat weathly looking man in the road and thought he'd perhaps give him directions. Arthur: "Sir Knight, what be thoust name?" Man: "Cumcisor... " "Sir Cumcisor" "An... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking" "Our aircraft has reached its designated altitude, you may now unfasten your seatbelts. Our flight attendants will be serving drinks in five minutes. The expected flight duration is four hours and ten minutes, our current speed is AAAAH, OH FUCK, NONONONONO, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD!!!" The inter... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia. After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men. “A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh... read more A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us. Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, alwa... read more So I told my wife I'm buying a new car... Me: So sick of my car. I'm sellin it & buying a Honda—like Jesus Wife: Jesus didnt have a Honda🤔 M: He was just humble about it W: No he wasnt—b/c he didnt have a Honda M: Really?? Then why’d Jesus say in John 12:49, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." 😅 I think: To be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also thinking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one’s view and trying to make it objectified, and considering each and everyone... read more Ed Smith was a famous but rude ore trader in the area. ED SMITH'S SHOP. It was one of the biggest landmarks in the town. You could just look at that big metal sign and see how proud the man was of his trade. No matter how good a businessman he was, Ed's arrogant behavior was loathed by pretty much everyone. He was too proud of his riches, ... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Jamaican Sandals A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’ So t... read more God and it's Presidents God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again. Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?” Bush answers: “I believe in... read more Before John was a traveling salesmen Before John was a traveling salesman he worked door to door on foot. He actually came from an upper middle class family but had a healthy work ethic and a humble yet dull nature from aristocratic inbreeding a few generations back.. It was his birthday and his eccentric mother had told John he... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie. One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 If a girl ever tells you how small your dick is... Just remember her dick is literally zero inches long. Stay Humble, kings This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he's short on cash. He proposes that he plays the piano in exchange for some drinks. The bartender agrees and the guy walks over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender and patrons are amazed at the beautiful sounds that are produced from this old piano. He plays several songs in a row. After about 20 minutes he walks up to the bartender and asks if that was worthy of a drink... read more A traveller has dinner at a monastery. A traveller was walking through the mountains when he came across a great monastery, he was far from a town and so knocked on it's doors seeking shelter. A monk came out and greeted him and the traveller asked for a place to stay for the night. "Certainly" replied the monk "But first, ... read more Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ... The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment. The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's. The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str... read more 'One day, in ancient Egypt, Bastet went to her temple for a meal, but found that her priests were late.' 'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself. '"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Jesus arrives at the last supper... ...he walks in and sees a mad party - alcohol, hookers, tables bending under the weight of the food and music thumping. He asks Peter: "what the fuck, Pete?! This was supposed to be a humble going-away dinner; where did you get the cash for all this?!" Peter replies: "I don't know; Judas sold someth... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 The Genie One day a man is walking on Malibu beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it, and a genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish. Anything in the world is yours!" The man sits at the spot he found the genie and thought. And thought. And thought. He told the genie "I don't want anyt... read more The king Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha... read more The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Once upon a time, there was a wasp. Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Tech support call. Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work." Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?" Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all." Tech Support: "Did it not in... read more A local monastery decides to test the competence of its nuns. In an attempt to determine if the nuns at the local monastery are qualified to perform their sisterly duties, the monastery decides to hand out exams. The majority of the sisters score well but one in particular, sister Encarnacion does outstandingly well. In an attempt to preserve v... read more This joke may contain profanity. 🤔I am over 18 Once upon a time... ...there lived a great ruler in India, Emperor Akbar. This great emperor had the most beautiful wife in all the realms. At the palace, there lived a certain Ahmed who was a low-ranking official. He took a liking to the queen, and his greatest desire was to kiss the queen's gorgeous breasts.... read more Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog He sat and sighed beside the road - His engine's gasket blown. His car was old and cold and towed. The man was left alone. - 'I need to find a place to stay Until it's fixed,' he spoke - But as he rose to walk away Arrived a band of folk. ... read more A North Korean farmer is finally rewarded after fifty years of hard labour for the State A party official visits the farmer in his simple living quarters and proclaims "Comrade, for your hard work and absolute dedication to the great leader and the Democratic People's Republic, we would like to reward you with a car" The humble farmer nods silently to show his appreciatio... read more An old couple won the lottery... An old man and his wife; simple, salt of the earth folk, who never lived beyond their means, won the lottery. Not wanting to lose their way with this sudden windfall, they decided to keep humble. But as time went on, the husband wanted to treat his wife to expensive things - the thin... read more I never brag You could say I'm the most humble person in the world. Walt Disney Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl... read more A quick math question Alright, so here's quick math question for ya: So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting... read more There was this musician in North Korea.... One day he was called upon by Kim Jong Un to compose a piece of music and have the Great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the Humble Auditorium. The musician, not wanting to displease the Great Leader, did as he asked and got to work composing a piece of music. One week later, on... read more Related Searches humble brag Related Categories modestlowmeeklowlyhumiliatemenialinferiordegradedemeanhumilitychagrinsmallbasehumiliatedcrushedhumbledmildunskilledbrokenunassuminglovingcheerfulproudgraciouscharminghonestquietpolitehardworkingrespectfulcompassionategentlenobleeffacechangealterdisgracesmashcrushwoundspiteoffendmodifyinjurehurtbruiseabjectnethergentlemandecent Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.


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    Funny JokesFunny Jokes Top Rated Most Discussed Recent Random Tell a Joke One-liners Blonde Hairline Nan Chuck Norris Dolphin Beard Riddle Yo Mama Knock-Knock All Topics Bumble JokesFunny JokesBumble bee Q:what did the bumble bee say when he came home from work? A:Honey im home0 0 comments (0 ) Bumble bee irish what did the irish man do when he got a bumble bee stuck in his ear? he shot it !!!0 0 comments (0 ) What did the bumble What did the bumble bee striker say? Hive scored!0 0 comments (0 ) A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why? The rabbit had two bs already.0 0 comments (0 ) The bumble bee One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on more...0 1 comments (0 ) More Jokes Add a Useful Link External Links Recent ActivityA bumble bee was chasing a rabbit by Anonym What did the bumble by Anonym Bumble bee by Anonym The bumble bee by Anonym Bumble bee irish by Anonym A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit by Anonym Follow Joke BuddhaFunny joke collection stats: 142,806 jokes59,307 thumbs up5,432 active users1157 visitors online3,871 topics10,697 humor websites40,653 humor links Related TopicsAnimals Bedroom Bee Began Bumble Chasing Deeper Doctor Entered Ethnic Hard Home Honey Husband Irish Lady Medical Penis Rabbit Said Situation Sport Started Think Vagina Whatever Wife Woman Young Top Authorsweek month overall2 0 1 jokeTats Recent CommentsMadge: hey meany Madge: hey meany Nika: ★There are even more relaxed dirty girls...You just let know about you.. ...Join(copy the link)➤ abre.ai/bfmc  Nika: ★There are even more relaxed dirty girls...You just let know about you.. ...Join(copy the link)➤ abre.ai/bfmc  TimRay: I've heard this story decades ago. It's a good story, but is it a joke? elijah towler: good joke  Hardik: Very Nice Stories <a href=”https://www.motivationlifechangingstories.in/2020/08/Funny-Short-Stories-About-Courage-with-moral-in-hindi-funy-stories-courage.html”>Thank You So much Sharing this post</a>  JT: Sure if you think pedophilia is funny. Morons  Abraham: HAHA! I continue to look for jokes for my cremation jewelry page on facebook for MiniMemorials.com Thank you for this one. This is pretty good. Humor is wonderful and I look for ways to help reduce the grief during these hard times.  scyntist: SSabki jat ka bhoshda,lavda maru ya mandli! Know a Funny Joke?Tell a Joke JokeBuddha.com © 2020Terms & Privacy

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